sure everyone is wondering y dun i just tell the truth not a big deal! but then nobody will understand! everyone put the hope on me! put the university word on me! i know i can do it but i fail to do it! i know fail not because i cant do i just i dun wan! i know! i know! i know! but smth its really happened so what u all want me to do?! i know if i say out sure all of u will disappointed thats y i choose not to tell! i started to be independent, strong and brave when the day i decide not to tell! day by day, its really make me suffer! i always hv to give u all a call before i go to class so that when i on the way to college u all wont call and ask where am i! everytime get the call from u all my heart bid like wanna go to hell! its feel like cant breath at all and gonna to die but i hv to act as normal! even how scare am i, i still hv to keep going! expenses start increase but dun dare to tell so i save and save coz its cant even cover my transport fees but smth really scare to be alone so choose not to go out hv a dinner just to save money!i rather gastric like hell until need to go to see doctor but i still refuse to go coz i know if i still waste stupid money of it i really cant go college! the time at college really more happy than university! the ppl also so different! i can spend money with them and i dun care bout it coz i know no matter where we are i still very happy compare to uni life! sometimes really dun hv any money so have to refuse to go out! so hard for me to go thru that uni life and i choose to give up! but after i choose to give up i started my new life with the word i hv to be independent! i go thru whole year without any suppot from my family! i do everything on my own! even make any important decision i hv no 1 to ask opinion for but luckily still got oltay that keep going company me and discuss with me any decision that i hv to make and give his opinion!

everytime hv to think something to lie to u all so that u all wont know the truth i feel so uncomfortable! i so hope that i can tell everything to u all like she but in real i cant! i cant tell my mum that i everyday take lrt to college! i cant tell my mum what joke that we always talk in college and share! i cant tell her that i move out dy! i cant tell her i not longer a there! i know a lot of ppl know about this even my hometown fren! ppl is like that when u trust someone then u tell dy call her/he help to keep secret but they will tell others and say hv to keep secret! in the end, some very careless they forgot that i didnt tell anyone but they came and ask me! i feel so weird but nvm i use to it le! i know mum start to support me when they 1st come to my hometown! mummy start to feel "fang xin" when she know that they very good! where and what i do if tell mummy sure she ask that 2 fren also follow?! funny right?! but i hv to cheap and lie again! ya, they waiting for me dy! sorry mummy for every liar that i tell for this whole year! lord jesus forgive me that i hv not follow what u had tell us to do! to obey parents and ppl older that u!

yesterday nite tot of saying out but everything back to normal! become zero! everyone disagree with me and be scolded but i din angry or mad with them! kor kor saying that i going back to hometown after grad to work what for do so many stupid thing! just finish what u hv right now! but y dun they think y from last year i keep going say i wanna change and change?! i dy change! i dy started with my new life! y i still hv to lie and lie! why? why? why?! its reality!

now i hv nth accept to do the best in my final exam! is every sem final exam! my bridging paper so that i can go to final year! to get 1st class honour of my degree! just feel bitter when thinking maybe no one wil attend for my graduation!

-the end-

p/s: dun worry la! i really nth de! to someone!
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suffer?! i choose to be that just accept!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008 | 7:23 PM | 0Moments

sure everyone is wondering y dun i just tell the truth not a big deal! but then nobody will understand! everyone put the hope on me! put the university word on me! i know i can do it but i fail to do it! i know fail not because i cant do i just i dun wan! i know! i know! i know! but smth its really happened so what u all want me to do?! i know if i say out sure all of u will disappointed thats y i choose not to tell! i started to be independent, strong and brave when the day i decide not to tell! day by day, its really make me suffer! i always hv to give u all a call before i go to class so that when i on the way to college u all wont call and ask where am i! everytime get the call from u all my heart bid like wanna go to hell! its feel like cant breath at all and gonna to die but i hv to act as normal! even how scare am i, i still hv to keep going! expenses start increase but dun dare to tell so i save and save coz its cant even cover my transport fees but smth really scare to be alone so choose not to go out hv a dinner just to save money!i rather gastric like hell until need to go to see doctor but i still refuse to go coz i know if i still waste stupid money of it i really cant go college! the time at college really more happy than university! the ppl also so different! i can spend money with them and i dun care bout it coz i know no matter where we are i still very happy compare to uni life! sometimes really dun hv any money so have to refuse to go out! so hard for me to go thru that uni life and i choose to give up! but after i choose to give up i started my new life with the word i hv to be independent! i go thru whole year without any suppot from my family! i do everything on my own! even make any important decision i hv no 1 to ask opinion for but luckily still got oltay that keep going company me and discuss with me any decision that i hv to make and give his opinion!

everytime hv to think something to lie to u all so that u all wont know the truth i feel so uncomfortable! i so hope that i can tell everything to u all like she but in real i cant! i cant tell my mum that i everyday take lrt to college! i cant tell my mum what joke that we always talk in college and share! i cant tell her that i move out dy! i cant tell her i not longer a there! i know a lot of ppl know about this even my hometown fren! ppl is like that when u trust someone then u tell dy call her/he help to keep secret but they will tell others and say hv to keep secret! in the end, some very careless they forgot that i didnt tell anyone but they came and ask me! i feel so weird but nvm i use to it le! i know mum start to support me when they 1st come to my hometown! mummy start to feel "fang xin" when she know that they very good! where and what i do if tell mummy sure she ask that 2 fren also follow?! funny right?! but i hv to cheap and lie again! ya, they waiting for me dy! sorry mummy for every liar that i tell for this whole year! lord jesus forgive me that i hv not follow what u had tell us to do! to obey parents and ppl older that u!

yesterday nite tot of saying out but everything back to normal! become zero! everyone disagree with me and be scolded but i din angry or mad with them! kor kor saying that i going back to hometown after grad to work what for do so many stupid thing! just finish what u hv right now! but y dun they think y from last year i keep going say i wanna change and change?! i dy change! i dy started with my new life! y i still hv to lie and lie! why? why? why?! its reality!

now i hv nth accept to do the best in my final exam! is every sem final exam! my bridging paper so that i can go to final year! to get 1st class honour of my degree! just feel bitter when thinking maybe no one wil attend for my graduation!

-the end-

p/s: dun worry la! i really nth de! to someone!

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